


Possibly Unrequited

by Broba



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-20
Updated: 2012-02-20
Packaged: 2017-10-31 12:30:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 10,930
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/344083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Broba/pseuds/Broba
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ahhh yes, this one.</p><p>When it came up on the kinkmeme, the story began in one direction then quickly began to swerve, I realised things were out of control but I couldn't stop. Soon I was making wild allusions that I am sure nobody noticed, referencing thigns nobody cared about, and it was turning into a dramatic comedy mental morass. But, somehow, it seemed to work I think.</p><p>Karkat decides to take measures to get John to appreciate him. Things do not go to plan.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Within the veil, within the asteroid, within the laboratory, down some steps, along a corridor to the left and through the third entryway.  
  
Karkat spread a fresh sheet of paper, the size of a large poster, over the bare stone floor and carefully weighed down the corners with lumps of rock. Then he knelt down in front of it and stared for a while. He drew a single vertical line with a void-black marker and followed it with a horizontal line, bisecting the first and dividing the notional space on the surface into four quadrants. He started to work faster as ideas came to him, first he filled the top left with crude stick figures. Onto of the left he drew round little horns, and added zigzagging teeth to a sausage shaped mouth, the other outlandishly sized square glasses with dot-eyes. He muttered under his breath as he scribbled in the space remaining below the figures.  
  
"Ho... mo. Sexual."  
  
His eyebrows quirked and he grinned a little hungrily before moving on. This time the stick figure with the glasses was joined by a crude girl-figure, this being determined by being mounted on a triangle instead of legs, to denote a dress.  
  
"No homo. Bleh," He consulted a sheaf of computer scrip amateurishly bound with string into a rough book, it was filled with dictionary definitions of words, concepts, phrases. He frowned and wrote.  
  
"Hetero. Sexual."  
  
Simple enough. The lower two quadrants: he started sketching two triangle-dressed girls, grunting softly as he wrote "Heterosexual (?)" He was sure that there was some nuance he was missing, still. He then moved to the last quadrant, leafing through several more pages of his research, before drawing glasses-man and a triangle-skirt-girl, this time he gave them both the jagged teeth sausage mouths, and also added V-shaped frowns, nodding in satisfaction.  
  
"Marr. Ridge."  
  
He rolled the unfamiliar syllables warily, consulted his book, and nodded firmly before standing up. That had to be it. He had carefully questioned the humans in an oblique manner, and conducted hours of research. They claimed to have no quadrants, but perhaps they just had a different way of thinking these things through. The language barrier for example- the humans just didn't formalise their quadrants in the same way. He was having problems with the idea of gender however. The females, when he tried to question them, had distinctly different ideas about this sort of thing- but distinct in a particularly -female- way. For a being that understood procreation in terms of diabolical incestuous slurry, the concept of gender seemed to be in some way caste-based as much as physiological, in the same manner as the physiological difference between seadwellers and land trolls.  
  
Still... he looked at his work and he just knew it was not right- not yet. John had said he was "not homosexual" which Karkat took to mean that he did not wish to fill a particular quadrant... but the others all seemed to involve females in an increasing capacity, and so where did that leave him, Karkat? On the other hand, he had no deep understanding of human biology, and the females had only really exhibited stylistic difference to the males, in his opinion. He sighed and turned back to the husktop he had set up in the corner. Down here, no one bothered him, he could spend more time on research without being missed. The John human had explained to him that humans organised their knowledge using "googles," and their internetwork had been singularly useful in accessing useful "googles."  
  
Karkat typed, and searched.  
  
 **DISPLAY HUMAN FEMALE**  
  
The results were numerous, and confounding. He turned to his pages, nothing was simple. He was asking the wrong questions he knew, that was why the googles insisted on showing him only human guardian lusii in various states of alarming and apparently painful behaviour. Punishing his impertinence. He sucked on his lip, pressing his sharp tipped teeth rhythmically against the flesh, and considered a new approach. Humans were different, they thought differently. So, he asked differently.  
  
 **HOW IS FEMALE?** (he paused, and added-) **PLEASE?**  
  
The resultant googles concerning the pleasing of females were all the more confusing. Trolls had it simple- you have four quadrants, four principle means of entering into an intimate understanding with another person. Humans seemed to understand feelings in the way that trolls understand slime- certainly it is all slime, but it can be chopped, fried, gristled, reconstituted... he was becoming hungry now, on top of everything else. He decided to try one last time. John seemed to require that which is, to a human, female. Perhaps the bonding process was more in the emotional spectrum of natural healthy hatred then in the biology of the thing.  
  
 **EXPLAIN FEMALE FEELINGS**  
  
For once, the googles appeared to respond largely in text, Karkat was intrigued. The concept of uniquely "female" emotion was insane to him. The female trolls hated and pitied in the manner of the male trolls, they conquered and submitted, they rose and fell, just as did the males. He began to feel a sense of injustice growing in him. The worst kind of injustice- that which disadvantaged himself. The more he read, the more it grew- the female humans had an entire emotional spectrum which was, by a quirk of birth alone, entirely alien to the males! This explained a lot about the ridiculous Rose human and the infuriating Jade human already. Karkat reached his first article on feminist theory and social critique. He read into the night.  
  
Through the entire period of time normally devoted to rest he scribbled and experimented. Females exhibited an emotional resonance that males were not privy to. That was what John responded to. The quadrant diagrams were changing now, with concepts of femininity crudely cartooned mixed in with confused looking stick figures. Karkat was finding it increasingly difficult to contain human emotional bonding into four distinct sections. No wonder John could barely explain himself in a coherent manner, there had to be hundreds of micro-quadrants to cover!  
  
Karkat slowly began to view his own overtures through a new prism. As a troll, he hated or pitied- sometimes both at once, and always as hard as he could. But things were different for humans. Shades of emotion, nuances which seemed arbitrary and largely pointless to him, filled up practically all of their waking thoughts. How could a human truly commit to matespiritdom or kismesis? Their hatreds and loves were so temperamental and fluid, John might dislike him at times, perhaps even murmur a word of hate or two with a little practice, but to maintain a steady, constant feeling, to nurture it and foster it abandoning all others until a white hot core of emotional intent flared for their intended other... no human could do that.  
  
Karkat gave voice to it, a harsh meaningless yell that flicked out of his throat and leapt full bodied into the air, dying immediately and leaving him nothing. He drove his fist against the wall, relishing a little succulent and welcome pain as it threaded up through his arm. He felt nothing so much as despair. Life was worse then hopeless, it was simply absurd. He had followed John around with a mounting eagerness and John had probably been responding to him with as much feeling as any human could muster on a particular day. It was like chasing clouds, and even if he caught them what then? Nothing but vapour.  
  
Karkat collapsed to the floor, with another moan. He rolled onto his back, but the harsh striplights burned into his eyes already watering. He couldn't fight it off, the tears were coming. He got up onto all fours, crunching a childish, stupid diagram with his fists. As he stared down, speechless, motionless except for the occasional wracking sob that smacked him down like a fist between the shoulder blades pinkish-red wet tears dropped onto the paper. He reached down carefully and with one thumb began smearing a wet ragged halo of red around a ridiculous stick-figure with cartoonish square glasses and dot-eyes.


	2. Chapter 2

Karkat meandered aimlessly through the corridors of the laboratory, he rubbed at weary eyes darkened by sleeplessness. It was the patent absurdity of the thing- it was senseless and he found that most difficult to handle. For the last hour he had been reciting, over and over in his mind, reasons that the Egbert human was not worth all this effort. Not once had the boy shown any hint of reciprocation, nor was he likely to. He found that he could convince himself of this, here and there, but when he finally felt himself calming and his discipline wavered it all came flooding back. He became aware of his need for John, a literal requirement he could feel in the glands and organs of his belly, something his body demanded as surely as sustenance and rest. There was little to be gained in denying it, and so as the other trolls began to wake and meander about their ways he resolved to stop trying.  
  
"I want John," he murmured under his breath, trying it out. He had never said it aloud before. "I want John. I want him now, even if the little shit is cutting me up and splashing around in my blood."  
  
He paused, and looked around suddenly, paranoid that he might be observed. The only sound nearby was a consistent drip of viscous pale green fluid from a worn and decayed pipe. A small pool of the stuff was congealing and he knelt down to stare at his slimy reflection.  
  
"I want John," he told himself, watching his own face closely. "You want John," he added, noting his own reaction. Oddly he felt better, more centred. Just saying it brought his desire out of his head and his heart and out into the world. It felt somehow realler. He leant in closer to his reflection.  
  
"I want John," he smiled, "maybe some makeouts, just to start with. I'm not asking much."  
  
The reflection studied him in turn, its' expression slowly falling. This was ridiculous, and he was ridiculous. "You fucking weakling," he hissed, standing up to walk on.  
  
Karkat knew exactly where he was headed, however he had difficulty in justifying it to himself. He quite reasonably concluded that John, being a moron, required the advice of a moron to be successfully seduced. It made sense therefore to seek out the most retarded of his acquaintances for advice.  
  
This reason was satisfying and worthy of a troll, but Karkat's excuses sounded all the more hollow echoing around his own head. The truth of it, that he despised himself for, was that Karkat needed his moirail, and badly.  
  
Gamzee was always last out of the slime, last to pull himself into any kind of presentable state. Karkat stomped gruffly into the abandoned storeroom that Gamzee had taken over. The recuperacoon was no less jury-rigged then what any of them had to put up with, they had cannibalized and re-purposed what equipment they needed from what they could find. It was a large steel vat, which once might have been used for mixing of chemicals, and Gamzee was half-flopped over the side with a stupid grin plastered over his face. Karkat noted with disdain that he had not even cleaned himself off before going to sleep last night, he still had smudged, blurry remnants of his habitual makeup. Karkat kicked the side of the vat with a loud bong.  
  
"Wake up, fuckass!" He shouted in his most reasonable indoors-voice, "I need to talk to you!"  
  
Gamzee leered down at him and shifted ineffectively. Despite appearances the morning was the best time to get anything out of him, before he had been given any opportunity to really work at fucking himself up any more over the course of the day. Karkat fetched a crate to stand on, hooked hands under Gamzee's armpits and heaved, cursing and moaning the whole time. Gamzee emerged from the slime as naked and shameless as a newhatched wriggler, and casually wandered over to his towellerobe to clean off. Karkat huffed and sat down heavily on an upturned empty faygo crate, awating the end of Gamzee's ablutions.  
  
"What's crawlin' around your mind, main moirail," asked Gamzee cheerfully from underneath a desliming hose arrangement he had rigged against a wall.  
"Nothing! I am just sick of all the time you waste asleep in there!" Karkat already regretted coming, and he knew he could not do this.  
  
Gamzee approached him, his loins swaddled in towelling. He was carrying one of those rubber-bulbed horning devices that Katkat despised with a special and precious loathing.  
  
"Don't fucking use tha-"  
  
Honk.  
  
It was right by his face, too. Karkat flushed angrily. Gamzee pulled up a packing crate and sat opposite him, knee to knee, watching coolly in silence.  
  
"You have to sort yourself out, you're a fucking joke all you do is-"  
  
Honk.  
  
Katkat pursed his lips and stared. He found himself unable to out-stare Gamzee as usual, the troll seemed incapable of just getting bored and giving up.  
  
"We're supposed to be-"  
Honk.  
"Stop doing tha-"  
Honk.  
"Fuck you! I came here to talk and you just-"  
  
Karkat paused. The expected honk was not occurring. He sighed.  
  
"I did come here to talk alright?"  
"Mm, any time, yo."  
"This is stupid."  
Honk.  
"You're stupid!"  
Honk.  
"I'm stupid..."  
  
Nothing. Gamzee looked at him, slowly tilting his head to the side curiously.  
  
"I'm really fucking stupid. I said it, alright? Hoik my pants up to my armpits and stick me on a hook, let's make a big day out of it! I'm stupid, and shitty, I don't know how to even be a moirail, and I hate you more then anyone in this fucking place which, in case I neglected to mention, I also hate!"  
  
Pause. Honk. Smile. Honk.  
  
"Oh so this is a one-sided thing? Well that just suits me, I love having an audience to my regular performances of wallowing fucking fuckass idiot. I want John, alright? The Egbert human. And it's tearing me ap-" he paused, took a breath, slowed down. He needed to. "It's tearing me apart. I can't do anything! I can't get him! I can’t make him see shit! I hate this. All of it!"  
  
Gamzee just grunted and reached out, patting him on the back and gently urging him closer till their foreheads met. Karkat's nubby horns clacked against Gamzee's admittedly more impressive ones.  
  
"Hey, my Karkat."  
"What?"  
"You don't get a matespirit. You make yourself into someone that a matespirit needs, and one day, you find some motherfucker who's doing just the same for you. It's a miracle, you can't think it all out. You'll fuck your thinkpan all up."  
  
Karkat flicked his eyes up, then down.  
  
"You know I hate you, right?"  
"Motherfuckin' honk, yo."  
  
He honked his horn one last time for good measure and grinned. Karkat halfheartedly patted him on the cheek, and stood up to go to the door. He hugged his arms around himself and paused, he couldn't bear to turn around, but his fingers, visible peeking over his shoulder, wiggled slightly towards Gamzee who just shrugged and went hunting for pie.


	3. Chapter 3

Karkat paced impatiently while the work went on. He fumed with impotent rage, clenching his fists repeatedly and slapping his arms around himself, alternately folding his arms and hugging himself in a subconscious tic. The Sounding Hammering String Device was nearly ready, he could tell, but there was still work to do. This idea had been inspired directly by Gamzee's advice but Karkat had quickly realised that he was not smart enough to pull it off and, to his never ending chagrin, he had been forced to enlist the aid of the smartest people he knew. Sollux was taking it in good humour, Aradia less so.  
  
Karkat had not wanted Aradia involved in all honesty, but these days wherever Sollux went, she inevitably turned up. He had to admit however, her archaeological prowess had been invaluable in reconstructing a working model of the Sounding Hammering String Device. She was skilled in extrapolating from limited evidence the purpose and workings of the Device, while Sollux was more then up to the calculations involved in the Sounding Array and the Hammering Multiplex that he was currently working on. He had even devised an entirely new string theory to deal with the Device.  
  
Karkat had been watching John carefully over the previous days, and had noticed several times that he would sit in front of some kind of machine, which had a long, crude keyboard that he manipulated for long periods. There was no screen, and at first Karkat had taken this for some kind of finger exercise required by humans to maintain... supple fingering techniques? Immense hand strength?  The more he watched the more he realised that there was something important about this ritual- the John human's guardian lusus insisted on placing hm before the machine for long periods, John didn't seem too happy about it sometimes either. Karkat thought back to his own violent and horrible upbringing and smiled grimly. The lessons of the lusus were often distasteful to the extreme, he understood well. As he watched he adjusted the view of the Trollian window and stared at John's fingers. His own fingers drummed irritably as he tried to perceive the mysterious purpose of it when he realised that he was looking at some kind of repeating code whose value was based on rhythm! He drummed his fingers awkwardly in time to the silent image, nodding his head in new understanding. Every time John pressed a square thing the device was making some kind of a noise! If Trollian had carried the sound he would have realised it instantly. Human music? More then possible. If it was important to John, that made it important to him. Karkat immediately resolved to build his own device and learn the skill too. He would impress John immensely with his understanding of human music. It would be like one of his favourite troll movies. He remembered it well, one of Troll Will Smith's more underrated works.  
  
TROLL-WILL-SMITH-OFFERS-UNSOLICITED-YET-WELCOMED-ADVICE-REGARDING-THE-RITUALS-OF-MATESPIRITDOM-TO-RETARDED-LOSERTROLLS-SUCCESSFULLY-UNTIL-REALISING-THAT-HIS-OWN-QUADRANTS-REMAIN-UNFILLED-THUS-BECOMING-HIS-OWN-ADVICE-DISPENSING-UNIT-LESS-SUCCESSFULLY-(AS-PROTRAYED-THROUGH-A-SERIES-OF-AMUSING-VIGNETTES)-BEFORE-SUCCESSFULLY-INITIATING-MATESPIRITDOM  
  
Ah yes, a tutelary classic and a treasured red-rom-com in his collection. Karkat had learned quickly and frustratingly that he was not capable of recreating the Sounding Hammering String Device alone. He had convinced Sollux that it was vital to understand what the John human was up to on the device in case it held clues toward what their own future would hold, given the influence of the humans on their situation. Sollux had seemed dubious, but Aradia was intrigued by the task and gently bullied him into it.  
  
They had quickly established that the keyplates of the device were intended to be manipulated in repetitious units handled by five fingers Aradia had thus come up with the concept of the pentatonic scale and Sollux had suggested that while the while keys indicated positions on a scale, the intervening black ones might be used to shade in half-tones as necessary. The idea of complementary tones handled by the black side and the white side of the keyboard appealed to him immensely and they got to work. By manipulating the Trollian window carefully they were able to view the inside of the Sounding Hammering String Device John was using, though the only light came from minor cracks and openings in the rigid organic casing. Sollux developed his string theory based on the differently sized vibrating strings contained in the casing. He surmised that the sounding of the device was the result of what he referred to as string vibrations, that could be expressed through a derivative function of string length, rigidity and hammering impact. He had spent an entire day just thinking about it and drawing obscure graphs, which Aradia encouraged patiently and Karkat despised, before concluding that with the materials at hand they could produce a device of their own which should produce a similar tonal range to what they were seeing. This then, was the birth of the Sounding Hammering String Device.  
  
Aradia took a great interest in the sheet music she observed John working from. Her archaeological prowess made it easy for her, she deduced quickly that the squiggles and dots of notation indicated points on a scale relative to each other, and also the speed at which individual musical tones should be produced. She explained all this to Karkat but his impatience was growing by this time and he chivvied her relentlessly until Sollux politely but firmly advised him that their work was done.  
  
"I thtill don't thee the releventh of the Thounding Hammering Thring Devithe though, it theemth a pointleth dithtraction."  
"You're a fucking pointless distraction, I thought I'd give you something to do out of my enormous reserves of pity! Begone! Bitches leave!" Karkat waved them both away fitfully and sat before the Device.  
  
Aradia just smiled and whispered something to Sollux, patting him on the chest and urging him to leave the young maestro alone with his instrument.  
  
Karkat hammered a few keys, using his thumbs. This seemed simple enough, if a little discordant and clashing. He did this for some time, cackling to himself occasionally. The noises were suitably appalling. However random key pressing only took him so far, it occurred to him that he was frankly ignorant of any human music. He had to learn as the humans learned or it would be for nothing! Karkat fretted his tongue over his teeth and growled. The trolls would not be able to provide assistance in this matter, even if he deigned to discuss so scandalous a matter with them. There was only one person who could help him, and the very thought of it made his shame globes retract squealing into his body cavity.  
  
carcinoGeneticist has begun trolling **turntechGodhead**  
  
Karkat groaned rubbed his eyes. Finally, it had come to this.  
  
CG: HEY FUCKASS I WANT TO MAKE THIS SHORT AND SWEET SO EXTRACT YOUR FONDLING DIGIT FROM YOUR EXCRETION ANTECHAMBER AND PAY ATTENTION  
 **TG: you have got to be kidding me**  
CG: ACTUALLY I DO NOT HAVE TO BE ANYTHING, MY SUPERIOR TROLL INTELLECT ALLOWS ME TO PICK AND CHOOSE WHAT I HAPPEN TO BE DOING WITHOUT ANY INPUT REQUIRED FROM YOUR WORTHLESS SELF  
 **TG: you see the right foot down there, wiggling in the breeze?? you are all up on that motherfucker, you have started right all on it**  
CG: I KNOW YOUR TRICKS STRIDER HUMAN DO NOT THINK YOU CAN OCCUPY ME WITH YOUR MINDLESS WORDPLAYS AND MEANING-DUELS  
 **TG: nono i mean it we are totally riffing here i think this is going to be good  
TG: lets do this thing  
TG: you and me broseph of arimathea  
TG: i have been waiting for this moment**  
CG: I DESPISE YOU SO UTTERLY. I THINK I WOULD PASS OUT WITH RAGE RIGHT NOW, IF THIS HATE-STROKE I AM EXPERIENCING WASN'T SO VERY MUCH FUN.  
 **TG: hear me now  
TG: i am going to turn this trolling into the bitchingest party there ever was and its happening right in your stare zone  
TG: you cannot look away  
TG: no one ever warned you about stares**  
CG: YOU SEE THAT'S THE THING, THIS ISN'T YOUR USUAL TROLLING THAT YOU ABSOLUTELY DESERVE AND HAVE BROUGHT DOWN UPON YOURSELF, I HAVE A QUESTION AND IT WOULD APPEAR YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON WITH SUFFICIENT EXPERTISE. DO NOT TAKE THIS TO BE ANY KIND OF INDICATION THAT I VALUE YOUR JUDGEMENT IN ANY WAY.  
 **TG: in other words  
TG: brosephus ben matityahu  
TG: you need my help which i am free to dispense upon you like so much hookers and honey smoked ham if i reckon youre worth my time**  
CG: IN OTHER WORDS  
CG: YES  
 **TG: ask your question of the dave and he shall answer**  
CG: SERIOUSLY?  
 **TG: straight up joltin bro dimaggio**  
CG: I AM LEARNING HOW TO PLAY THE SOUNDING HAMMERING STRING DEVICE  
 **TG: what**  
CG: YOU KNOW, THE PLINKING WHITE AND BLACK NOISES MACHINE  
CG: THE NOISOME MUSICAL QUEST ARRAY  
CG: LIKE WHAT THE EGBERT HUMAN PLAYS  
 **TG: the piano**  
CG: WELL HARK AT YOU LITTLE LORD UP HIMSELF, WHY DON'T YOU DON A PAIR OR FRILLED PANTALOONS AND AMUSE US WITH TALES FROM YOUR MANOR HIVE IN THE COUNTRY  
 **TG: dude i said ask your question this is boring me now  
TG: i may have to go and do something else with my time  
TG: like gaze into space pitying you**  
CG: ALRIGHT ALRIGHT DON'T GO  
 **TG: say sorry**  
CG: I WOULD RATHER DIE SCREAMING, CLEFT FROM GUSSET UPWARDS BY A TERRIFYING GARMENT.  
 **TG: well golly is that the time?? i guess i have to be going**  
CG: I'M SORRY  
 **TG: what??**  
CG: I AM SORRY.  
 **TG: wow that has actually stunned me a little with how easy that was  
TG: you really need this dont you brosef stalin**  
CG: YES I REALLY NEED THIS  
 **TG: go ahead and ask**  
CG: WHAT IS THE BEST SONG ON THE SOUNDING HAMMERING STRING DEVICE  
 **TG: ah you came to the right guy indeed the only guy for a true answer to this question  
TG: an answer that cannot be doubted in any way you were wise like broda to come to me**  
CG: WELL I KNOW THERE ARE A LOT OF MUSICAL COMPOSITIONS TO CONSIDER, SO I WANT YOU TO REALLY THINK ABOUT THIS BECAUSE IF I HAVE TO COME ASK YOU AGAIN MY RAGE WILL BECOME  A BEACON OF HATE SUFFICIENT TO DRAW THE LOST HORRORTERRORS OUT OF THE DARK. THEY WILL INFEST ME, STRIDER HUMAN. I WILL STILL BE HERE BUT IT WILL NOT BE ME, THEY WILL WEAR ME LIKE A MEATSUIT.  
CG: WAIT DO HUMANS HAVE MEATSUITS? THE ALLEGORY MAY HAVE BEEN LOST ON YOU.  
 **TG: pinball wizard**  
CG: STOP MAKING UP WORDS.  
 **TG: straight up brohammed ali didnt even have to think twice  
TG: pinball wizard**  
CG: HOW IS IT PLAYED THEN  
 **TG: relax i got this i will send you the score sheet music and all the crunchy remixes you need for a rocksome time tonite  
TG: brohan sebastian bach**  
CG: YOU BETTER BE RIGHT ABOUT THIS  
 **TG: its not even a controversial subject that question has been asked and firmly answered long ago and no more needs to be said**  
 **TG: pinball wizard**  
  
Karkat sneered deliriously, now he had it. Human musical notation was pathetically simple, like all they ever seemed to produce, it would be no more difficult then memorizing a series of captchacodes. Simplicity itself!  
  
Some time later, but not too long, trolls poked their heads around corners and listened intently. A sound wafted through the laboratory that had never before been heard in the universe. Fingers darting over keys, notes striking up at the heavens like golden arrowheads, his voice harsh and cracking on the high notes but by no means entirely unskilled, Karkat told the whole damn veil that-  
  
 _Ever since I was a young boy, I played the silver ball.  
From Soho down to Brighton I must have played them all.  
But I ain't seen nothing like him in any amusement hall!  
That deaf dumb and blind kid, sure plays a mean pinball!_


	4. Chapter 4

Karkat played, and played on, the keys responded well to him as he confronted his awful machine and sang his lungbags out. The other trolls were aware of a strange madness and obsession that had overcome their putative leader, but who among them did not have some private obsession they tended so carefully. Karkat strengthened his hands and fingers, trilled the notes and span out the tune. He was singing for John, though he did not know that.  
  
He stands like a statue, becomes part of the machine.  
  
The new sound cut through walls and rock to touch each of the trolls in turn. They found it impossible to resist in its' strangeness and weird vigour. Karkat was feeling the full red flush and his chest could barely contain the sensation. When he was done Karkat leaned on the keys, gasping for breath, eliciting a long groaning chord from the Sounding Hammering String Device. Behind him, Nepeta hissed softly, then turned about and scampered away. She was the first to feel it. Later, she swung her feet idly back and forth as she perched on the edge of a husk while Tavros watched politely, and tried to get up the courage to ask her to leave.  
  
"Somethings got into him," she snickered with a wide grin, "have you heard the new sound?"  
"Uhm, sure, I mean we all have. Everyone thinks Karkat's cuh, cuh-cracked."  
"What do you think? Is he mad?"  
"Wouldn't be, you know, a surprise. He's always been suh-sensitive."  
Nepeta kicked her heels up sharply, "You like the new sound?"  
"I dunno, what does it mean?"  
"Whatever you need it to! That's the new sound," she was practically purring, "his disciples lead him in and he just does the rest." She liked the cadence of that, it spoke to her somehow, "I think he's trying to tell us something!"  
"Suh, says you. I think the new sound is just wuh-weird. Uhmm... it's all, plays by intuition an' the digit counters fall," Tavros considered this for a moment. He pictured all the numbers, all the digits, all the counters the markers the signs and symbols tumbling and falling. He was staring at the wall, he turned and realised Nepeta had been staring at him, "What?"  
"You sorta zoned out there you know."  
"Uh yeah. It's silly but it sticks in your head you know?"  
  
(He was the second one to feel it.)  
  
Karkat seethed softly at his husktop. His fingers were entwined together to form an arch for his chin. Equius wandered, as though by some accident, into his room and watched him coldly from the doorway. Karkat was watching John. The human looked so very, very happy all of the time, and there was nothing he could do to touch that happiness, to make John look up and say "you are a part of this thing I'm feeling." Karkat seethed.  
  
"I have things to do at this end of the laboratory," Equius announced gruffly, apropos of nothing.  
"Mmn."  
"That is why I have come down here."  
"Mm."  
"In order to attend to important matters."  
  
Karkat swivelled and peered over his shoulder, "so? Have a lot of fun with that, I hope it works out fucking well for you."  
"Yes. And before I forget, I wanted to ask you while I was here..."  
  
Karkat waited patiently, because he had no tolerance at all for this kind of bullshit- he just stared.  
  
"When will you use the Sounding Hammering String Device again?"  
"Oh, I dunno, in a while?"  
"Several of the others are intrigued, they want to hear it again."  
"Mm."  
"That bit-"  
"What?"  
"Feeling all the bumpers, always playing clean. It's a good bit"  
"What are you talking about?"  
"It's just what people are saying! I have things to do!"  
  
Equius turned stiffly and marched away at a smooth pace, he had been the third to feel it.  
  
Karkat shook his head and turned back to watch John. When John played his own Sounding Hammering String Device he looked delicate, almost tentative. When Karkat played he looked like he was clawing desperately at it, and his throat was really suffering. Still, there was a thing that John did which he did too. Some experience that they both shared, and it gave him a spoonful of satisfaction. He felt like he was trying to survive on crumbs and droplets of water, but it was something, it was something.  
  
Terezi hummed softly as she wandered, her stick tap-tapped a beat for her to walk to, and before she knew it she was murmuring softly too. She could still hear it in her head, and she mumbled along.  
  
"Ain't got no distractions. Can't hear no buzzers and bells. Can't see the lights a-flashin, he plays by sense of smell..."  
  
She paused and started to cackle and snigger, doubling over and hugging her sides. Oh, how she liked that. She was the fourth one to feel it. So taken was she, that when Vriska appeared dramatically (she had been waiting at her favourite corner for over an hour so as to appear out of nowhere as someone was coming) she barely registered. She plunged her fingers into the mass of Vriska's hair and dragged her close enough that their noses squished up, and bit down hard on her lip in a vividly hateful kiss, before winding her merry way onward. Vriska stared after her, and held a hand to her cheek, blushing a little. Something was definitely in the air and normally Vriska would barely deign to show an interest since her irons were so multitudinous and very much in the fire. She would have yelled a snarky comment at Terezi's retreating back, but she couldn't think with having the new sound rattling around in her head.  
  
"Always gets a replay," she muttered, "never tilts at all." By now, she was the fifth to feel it.  
  
Sollux lay on his back, his head was comfortably resting in Aradia's lap and he stared up at her, wearing no expression at all. She was watching his bees and occasionally he noticed a tightening of her jaw, or the way she sucked on her lip. She was singing in her head, he knew it, if he hadn't been there she would have been singing aloud as much as everyone else had been recently. He cleared his throat softly.  
  
"How do you think he doeth it?"  
"I don't know," she smiled fondly down at him.  
"What maketh him tho good..."  
  
Between them, all at once, they were the sixth and seventh to feel it.  
  
Kanaya surrounded herself with noise, she broke items of glass and hurled metal objects about, she hated it. The new sound was everywhere and it impinged on her very mind, she felt as though she was experiencing someone else's feelings, forcibly working their way into her mind. She stared down at her knuckles, pale and tense where she was gripping a wall mounted pipe. If she could, she would have torn it apart. She kept thinking of the grub- her grub- the charge she had been entrusted with. It floated in her minds eye amid a pool of black, and curled in on itself tightly to form a ball. She saw it rolling and resting, panicking she knew what was coming. It shot away from her, jingling and flashing as it bounced and ricocheted in the distance. All she wanted to do was what she had always been told to want to do, and it all just flew away from her with no more warning then a tightly wound spring uncoiling.  
  
"Ever since I was a young boy, I played the silver ball. From Soho down to Brighton, I must have played them all," the new sound made no sense at all to her, the imagery was entirely lost on her, yet it spoke to her in a clear and unforgettable singular voice. She was the eighth to feel it.  
  
Karkat strode through the common area to the network hub they had created where they all trolled together. Despite their differences, and the insufferable goings on recently, he couldn't bear to sit alone staring at John any longer. Only inside his head, he admitted to himself that he was hoping one of the morons he was forced to cohabit with would distract him.Gamzee was there, eating a pie lazily, and looking at Eridan and Feferi, who themselves were in a heated discussion. Karkat paused, hoping for a good purifying bout of hate to clear his palate. Eridan sneered at him and held up a hand with a mocking little wave,  
  
"He's got crazy flipper fingers!"  
Gamzee felt the need to interject on his moirail's behalf, "I've never seen him fall."  
  
Karkat stared, in a mixture of shocked revulsion and revolting shock, before striding past with barely a grunt. Feferi watched him go and sighed.  
  
"I've just handed my pinball crown to him," she sang softly.  
  
All of them felt it.


	5. Chapter 5

Karkat wanted to scream, and to transmit every tiny vibration of that cri-coeur down through his arms, down through his fingerbones, into every punctuation point of a trolling so intense as to blister the ether for transmitting it, straight into John's fucking eye holes. In short, this had stopped being funny approximately one New Troll York second right after it started.  
  
They were out there, he could hear them humming -it- over and over. He was sick of hearing about all the fucking pinballs and he was less then certain what a wizard was. They wanted something from him, all of them. Whatever it was, they wanted all of it. The odd thing was, none of them had actually bust into the network room and plainly issued demands, as a troll might be expected to. No one wanted to take from him- no one wanted to steal from him- they wanted him to give, and give, and give. That was the hard part of it that he found so inexplicable. They wanted him to overflow with the new sound and be forever and infinitely giving. In what kind of a universe could one troll expect that of another?  
  
Karkat pressed a sweaty fingertip to the monitor, drawing it downwards with a squeak over the image of John's face. He knew what universe- that one. It was killing him, he knew that too.  
  
carcinoGeneticist is trolling **ectoBiologist**  
CG: JOHN  
CG: JOHN  
CG: EGBERT HUMAN  
CG: JOHN JOHN  
CG: JOHN  
 **EB: what what? is something wrong? you have to give me a chance to type!**  
CG: YES SOMETHING IS WRONG JOHN.  
 **EB: what is it? are we in danger?**  
CG: PLEASE COULD YOU DO SOMETHING FOR ME  
 **EB: what are you talking about?**  
CG: I AM ASKING YOU VERY NICELY JOHN, LOOK AT MY NICENESS. LOOK AT IT.  
 **EB: yeah okay?**  
CG: JUST TALK TO ME ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE. I DON'T THINK I CAN HANDLE THE MADNESS AROUND HERE MUCH LONGER.  
CG: I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT.  
CG: NOT EVEN A LITTLE BIT.  
 **EB: so what should i talk about?**  
CG: I DON'T KNOW. TELL ME THINGS.  
 **EB: any things?**  
CG: ANY THINGS.  
 **EB: did i ever tell you about nicholas cage**  
CG: YES PLEASE TELL ME ABOUT NICHOLAS AND HIS CONFINEMENT.  
CG: REGALE ME WITH TALES OF SOMEONE MORE SORRY FOR THEMSELF THEN ME.  
 **EB: is this some crazy troll sarcasm again?**  
CG: JOHN  
CG: DO I HAVE TO BE TOTALLY AND UTTERLY OPEN AND HONEST WITH YOU.  
 **EB: you should!**  
CG: I NEED YOU  
CG: TO HELP ME NOT THINK ABOUT THESE RETARDS AROUND ME.  
CG: I NEED YOU  
CG: TO TAKE MY MIND OFF IT WITH YOUR POINTLESS RAMBLINGS.  
CG: I NEED YOU  
CG: AND SO ON AND SO FORTH.  
 **EB: thats a lot of i need yous!**  
CG: THE COINCIDENCES AMUSE ME TOO.  
  
Karkat stifled a grin, it was childish but delicious. Until he realised how pathetic it made him, to find even the flimsiest pretexts to slip phrases of flushed redness into his talk with John. He held his breath a moment, and let it out slowly. When such minuscule comforts were worth grasping at, it made him feel lower then ever and the despair was never far away from such feelings.  
  
Egbert could certainly talk when given the opportunity. Karkat lent his chin in his hand and calmly typed the occasional verbal nod and interjection as John went into the work of the Cage human. Karkat would have been a little more interested if John had deigned to discuss more then one film.  
  
Trolls would wander in, pretend to work on something, and leave. They thought Karkat wasn't noticing them. One after another they would find innocuous excuses to come and watch him for a while, or try to make smalltalk, or perhaps ask if he needed anything. It sickened him to his core.  
  
CG: THEY WILL NOT LEAVE ME ALONE. THEY EXPECT SOMETHING FROM ME.  
 **EB: what do you mean? what do they want?**  
CG: SOME KIND OF WIZARD IT WOULD SEEM, WITH BALLS.  
 **EB: you are so funny sometimes**  
CG: I AM NOT AIMING TO AMUSE THIS TIME JOHN, THEY THINK I'M GOING TO DO SOMETHING. I CANNOT HANDLE THIS ANY LONGER.  
 **EB: well youre their leader arent you? they ort to follow you**  
CG: I NEVER WANTED IT TO BE LIKE THIS. I FEEL SO DRAINED.  
 **EB: you never know it might not last so enjoy it while you can!**  
CG: YOU ALWAYS SEE THE BEST OUTCOME TO A DUBIOUS SITUATION JOHN.  
 **EB: i guess i do!**  
CG: SO HOW WOULD YOU ENJOY IT THEN.  
  
Karkat paused and lapped his tongue over his lip, thinking carefully as he composed his wording.  
  
CG: I MEAN  
CG: IF YOU WERE TOTALLY IN CONTROL.  
CG: OF A TROLL.  
CG: WHO WAS LOOKING TO YOU LIKE YOU SHOULD DO SOMETHING.  
 **EB: hahaha i would totally be all like  
EB: do as i say maggot!**  
CG: MAGGOT?  
 **EB: like a little wormy bug thing**  
CG: OH GRUB.  
CG: GO ON.  
 **EB: yeh id be all like  
EB: obey me grubs!  
EB: hee hee hee hee**  
CG: YES THAT IS GOOD  
CG: MUCH FUN  
CG: GO ON JOHN.  
CG: ITS HELPING ME  
CG: THINK.  
 **EB: grubs better respect me cause i rule!**  
CG: HA HA HA THIS IS A FUNNY GAME  
CG: YOU RULE ALL THE GRUBS  
 **EB: oh totally and im all  
EB: who is your leader?  
EB: kneel before zod  
EB: also i am now called zod**  
CG: HA HA HA YOU ARE INDEED OH HOW I ENJOY TO JOKE AROUND  
CG: GRUBS NEED TO KNOW THEIR PLACE  
  
There was a reedy scraping sound of chair legs against concrete floor, Karkat pushed backwards and stood up. He looked around slowly, no one was there, but he could hear them milling around outside, demanding, pleading, urging so horribly gently. He hated it all, and he wished they were in the room with him at that moment, he wished they could all see. He smoothly crouched, and then knelt on the cold floor, before the screen.  
  
CG: GRUB SHOULD DO AS TOLD  
 **EB: what?**  
CG: ITS JUST A TROLL EXPRESSION FAR TOO COMPLICATED TO EXPLAIN HERE.  
 **EB: oh right  
EB: welp i got to go things to do**  
CB: NO  
CB: I MEAN  
CB: YOU ARE CERTAIN? YOUR HUMAN HABITS ARE BANAL AND BENEATH YOU  
 **EB: whats that supposed to mean**  
CB: YOU SHOULD STAY A WHILE  
 **EB: look karkat im sorry youre bored and stressy**  
CB: WAIT  
 **EB: but i really have stuff to do**  
CB: HA HA HA YES BUT WE ARE HAVING AMUSING FUN TIMES  
CB: WHAT A SURPRISE TO ENJOY SPENDING TIME AROUND A HUMAN  
CB: I SHOULD INVESTIGATE FURTHER AND SO YOU SHOULD STAY  
 **EB: hahaha you crazy  
EB: but i have real things to do right here see ya!**  
CB: HA HA HA FUNNY TIMES AND SUCH  
  
Karkat managed to peel himself- with effort- from the keyboard. He dropped to all fours, and curled in on himself, his fingers looping together behind his head. He had never felt so low, he had never come so close to giving of himself to another person before, but John had things to do. Important human things like observing the Nicholas Cage human and laughing at stupid, stupid trolls. Karkat rolled onto his side and squeezed his eyes closed, he only wanted to be alone with his misery.  
  
Footsteps. In time they came to him, they stood in a semicircle and watched him in silence. They just waited and observed him suffering, as though it meant anything at all. He hated them, hate hate HATE.


	6. Chapter 6

ectoBiologist has begun pestering **tentacleTherapist**  
  
John was grumbling under his breath as he typed, he was finding it unusually difficult to focus on what he was doing. Karkat was bizarre at the best of times, but just recently his strangeness was just too much.  
  
EB: heya rose!  
EB: i need to talk to you, the trolls are all acting nuts!  
 **TT: Ah John, I was wondering when I would hear from you.**  
EB: sounds like you were lying in wait for me!  
 **TT: Something like that. I have noticed something is happening with the trolls. Frankly, I thought I was just being over sensitive or judgemental. I decided to see if anyone else noticed anything odd.**  
EB: why didn't you say something yourself?  
 **TT: I know you all think I read far too much into every little thing. The trolls are a different culture that we still know little about, I could not be sure that this behaviour was not normal for them.**  
EB: what do you mean by behaviour, what have you heard?  
 **TT: Kanaya is very upset, and she is behaving in a manner that I would describe as oddly maternal if she were a human, or if I had anything like a good idea what maternal people should be like.  
TT: If I didn't know better, I would say she is fretting like the proverbial mother hen.**  
EB: but you do know better riiiiiiiight?  
 **TT: Mm. We shall see won't we? What did you have to talk to me about John?**  
EB: well it's karkat. he's driving me crazy!  
EB: iunno what's going on with him, but whatever it is has got him all strung out and he keeps trying to talk to me.  
EB: like all the time. i think he wants my help or something?  
 **TT: So, an emotionally demanding overgrown toddler is constantly pawing you for attention?  
TT: Truly yours is a nightmarish predicament.  
TT: I can only wonder what it must be like for you.**  
EB: i know right!  
 **TT: John I think you are entirely resistant to irony.**  
EB: um thanks?  
 **TT: Indeed. Now, how does Karkat think you can help him?**  
EB: iunno. most of the time he just wants me to talk to him. i think the other trolls have been giving him a lot of stress because he is their sort of leaderfriend.  
 **TT: From what Kanaya has been saying, they have elevated him to the level of symbolic figurehead.**  
EB: whats one of those?  
 **TT: They have somehow managed some kind of communal act of psychological transference, and have conferred their own repressed sense of paternalistic guardianship on him. In effect they appear to be trying to turn him into some kind of protector\mentor figure to them all.**  
EB: i literally understood like some of those words.  
 **TT: The trolls are experiencing some kind of gestalt understanding which I believe is based upon their own unique Jungian shared consciousness. The landscape of which we would expect to be very different to our own. As Karkat is apparently separate from, and the subject of, this shared realisation he is experiencing what can only be described as an acute verfremdungseffekt.**  
EB: you're just doing this on purpose now.  
 **TT: The sense of alienation from the concrete reality he is familiar with may be pushing Karkat to grasp at what he perceives to be the last solid thing in his world. I would love to speak to him about this, I would like to establish whether he is experiencing alienation in the Brechtian narrative or Freudian relational sense.**  
EB: !!!!!!!!  
EB: rose! please!  
 **TT: They think he is their Keanu Reeves.**  
EB: oh, right.  
  
Karkat paced around his sanctum, his sacred womb, which is what the ancient room far below the laboratory had become for him. When he slammed doors and threw bitter curses, the others would simply follow after him, always watching him, finding reasons to be nearby him. But when he drew a line across the floor in chalk and told them that no one must cross it, they reacted as though it were a wall of fire and kept back. He couldn't understand them at all any more. His head hurt. The headache was constant now, and everything was going so very wrong.  
  
As much as despair had become a constant physical pressure pushing against him from all sides, he had paradoxically never been held in higher regard by the others. Regard was not something he had ever wanted though, and the way he was being treated was so un-trollish as to seem cruel even to him.  
  
carcinoGeneticist has begun trolling **ectoBiologist**  
  
CG: WELL I HOPE YOU ARE HAPPY  
 **EB: oh what is it now? has something else happened?**  
CG: WHAT ELSE DO YOU WANT? MY LIFE IS ALREADY CRUMBLING AWAY LIKE STIFFSLIME IN A BREEZE.  
 **EB: look i am sorry you feel that way but i am not the arbiter of your self actualization.**  
CG: WHAT THE HELL DID YOU JUST SAY?  
 **EB: hang on a moment i need to read something  
EB: ok, ok, you are responsible for directing your own realizational journey**  
CG: ARE YOU READING FROM NOTES?  
 **EB: please investigate certain mental awareness techniques under the care of a professional?**  
CG: I CAN SEE YOU READING THEM, WHO WROTE ALL THAT OUT FOR YOU?  
 **EB: it is unfair to have unrealistic expectations of my emotional commitment.**  
CG: YOU HAVE BEEN TALKING TO THE ROSE HUMAN HAVEN'T YOU.  
CG: I SENSE HER FOUL HAND BEHIND THIS.  
 **EB: i'm sorry! but she said i have to be firm with you!**  
CG: YOU ARE BEING AN IDIOT JOHN, AND I COULD REALLY USE A LITTLE SENSE RIGHT NOW.  
 **EB: i place great value on our friendship.**  
CG: YOU REALISE THAT IN TROLL TERMS WHAT YOU JUST SAID IS MEANINGLESS?  
 **EB: i feel that there is room for independent growth away from each other.**  
CG: YOU’RE NOT EVEN READING THEM IN ORDER NOW. ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME?  
 **EB: um, rose said that you might not take it very well.**  
CG: TAKE WHAT VERY WELL, JOHN? WHY NOT TELL ME. EXACTLY WHAT IS IT YOU'RE TRYING TO DO HERE BECAUSE FRANKLY, I DON'T SEE THAT I HAVE ANYTHING LEFT TO TAKE AWAY AT THIS POINT.  
 **EB: you should consider yoga? i have some breathing exercises for you?**  
CG: FUCK YOU JOHN, TAKE IN A GOOD DEEP BREATH OF FUCK YOU.  
 **EB: aaaaaaaargh why you got to be this way????????**  
CG: BECAUSE FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE I AM SERIOUSLY TRYING TO FEEL SOMETHING REAL ABOUT SOMEONE WHILE AT THE SAME TIME EVERYONE I KNOW IS SERIOUSLY TRYING TO FEEL SOMETHING REAL ABOUT ME. I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO ANY MORE.  
CG: SERIOUSLY JOHN TELL ME WHAT TO DO. YOU WIN, YOU'RE THE BOSS. YOU SAY IT, I DO IT, I AM TOO TIRED TO EVEN THINK ANY MORE.  
 **EB: i don't think i understand what's happening here**  
CG: YOU WIN JOHN! YOU TOTALLY WIN!  
 **EB: win what?**  
CG: ME! I'M YOUR TROLL JOHN, JUST TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT, STOP MAKING ME KILL MYSELF TRYING TO MAKE YOU NOTICE ME. WHAT SHOULD I DO?  
 **EB: i really think i need to think about this.**  
CG: LOOK WILL YOU DO ONE THING FOR ME?  
 **EB: what?**  
CG: JUST DON'T GO AND TALK TO ROSE ABOUT IT ANY MORE.  
 **EB: i'll, uh, think about it.**  
CG: THANKS. SERIOUSLY, JUST THANKS.


	7. Chapter 7

A low, sussurating moan rose and fell in the corridors and vaults of the laboratory as it wheeled through the veil. Rising and falling, the sound was a constant yearning note. It began at no particularly appointed time, and would last for no specifically determined length, but when it happened they would all gather around Karkat's sanctum together and call to him in that way. He had long ago given up trying to imagine what exactly they wanted, and they weren't able to express it to him when he tried to talk to them. Whatever had taken root was too big now and too strong, it could not be questioned or averted. It wanted him- it wanted Karkat for a priest and a sacrifice.  
  
Karkat had concluded that the humans were mad, deranged deeply, they could not be otherwise if they surrounded themselves with music all the time. When he went out among them there was a horrible weight of expectation that descended instantly upon him. Eyes followed him and voices were hushed. They wanted him to reveal something, they would follow him. But Karkat didn't have anything to tell them, or anywhere to lead them to. He was suffering and they didn't care, they were following this thing to its' conclusion and Karkat was becoming convinced that his own well-being would be ground underfoot along the way.  
  
carcinoGeneticist has begun trolling **ectoBiologist**  
  
CG: I'M GETTING REALLY SCARED NOW, JOHN.  
CG: IF EVER YOU WERE GOING TO TELL ME SOMETHING MEANINGFUL THAT MIGHT HELP, NOW IS THAT TIME.  
 **EB: What's even going on up there?**  
CG: I COULDN'T EVEN DESCRIBE IT TO YOU. TROLLS ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO BEHAVE IN THIS WAY. THEY ARE PRACTICALLY WORSHIPPING ME.  
 **EB: Still sounds like you're just getting what you always wanted to me.**  
CG: IT WASN'T SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE THIS. TROLLS SHOULD CLAW AND BITE THEIR WAY UP FROM THE SLIME AND PROVE THEIR INHERENT SUPERIORITY THROUGH THE EXCERCISE OF RAW POWER. THEY ARE NOT BEING LIKE THAT THOUGH. THEY THINK I'M SHOWING THEM SOME NEW WAY.  
 **EB: Have you tried just running with it?**  
CG: I DON'T UNDERSTAND YOU. RUNNING WITH WHAT LIKE HOW?  
 **EB: Well I mean, can't you just tell them to stop being so creepy?**  
CG: OH HELL NO, NOT AGAIN. I TRIED THAT. I SAID I WAS LAYING DOWN SOME FUCKING RULES OF ACCEPTABLE BEHAVIOUR.  
 **EB: What happened?**  
CG: EVERYTHING I SAID IS NOW TRANSCRIBED ON A SET OF CERAMOSTONE TABLETS IN THE DINING AREA. THEY STUDY THE TABLETS, JOHN. THEY TALK ABOUT WHAT IT ALL MEANS. I CAN HEAR THEM DEBATE IT ALL.  
 **EB: Maaaaaaaan I had no idea. How did this even happen?**  
CG: YOU CAN BLAME FUCKING STRIDER HUMAN. IT'S ALL HIS FAULT, HE TOLD ME THE BEST THING TO PLAY ON THE SOUNDING HAMMERING STRING DEVICE.  
 **EB: Whatnow?**  
  
Then Karkat realised he had said too much, but it was too late. When John demanded to know more, he could hardly refuse. He was feeling too broken down by this point to even argue about it. John asked and he told obediently, all about how he had devised the Sounding Hammering String Device, all about how he had contacted Dave for the music and what had happened when he had unleashed the pinball wizardry on the unsuspecting trolls. In the end, he even admitted that the whole thing had been an attempt on his part to reach out to John and share something with him. John went silent for a long time and Karkat pressed his palms against his eyes, holding back hot tears with force of will alone until Trollian pinged at him.  
  
 **EB: I'm so sorry Karkat, I never thought. I guess I should have been paying more attention to what you were going through.**  
CG: JOHN.  
CG: YOU'RE MAKING ME SOUND PRETTY.  
CG: PITIFUL.  
 **EB: Sorry! Oh I'm making it worse aaaaaaaargh!**  
CG: HUSH JOHN DON'T SPOIL A THING.  
 **EB: I don't think I understand?**  
CG: IT'S OKAY JOHN. YOUR PITY, I RECIPROCATE.  
 **EB: Have I missed something here?**  
CG: YOU'RE DOING EVERYTHING RIGHT JOHN.  
  
Out of nowhere, John was suddenly feeling sorry for him. Karkat was flushing madly, he squirmed in his seat and tried to restrain the things that were happening to his crotch. All the while John just kept flailing about trying to discern what the matter was and feeling so very sorry for what Karkat was going through. Karkat practically screamed as John told him not to worry, that he would do something about this. The pity was blazing from the screen in letters a thousand stories high, and John didn't even realise it. Karkat began crying openly as he let go and surrendered to what was happening. John's pity, so intense and open and wonderful and so potent- Karkat felt himself compressing and shrinking emotionally, he was so small and vulnerable and John was so sorry for him. That John had no idea only made it more illicit and more powerful. Karkat raised his head with some effort, mopped a line of drool from the corner of his lip and focussed with some effort on the screen. John had gone- he was going to go and fix things. Karkat reached out and touched wet fingertips to the glowing letters, and he whimpered.  
  
ectoBiologist has begun pestering **turntechGodhead**  
EB: Hey Dave!  
 **TG: yo**  
EB: Okay I have a bit of a weird question?  
 **TG: yes its perfectly normal and no one will judge you**  
EB: What?  
 **TG: what?**  
EB: What did you think I was going to ask?  
 **TG: what were you gonna ask???**  
EB: Uh, probably something different to what you were thinking I think... You told Karkat what the best thing on the piano is?  
 **TG: Pinball Wizard, sure.**  
EB: Seriously?  
 **TG: What? look it up dude true facts**  
EB: Uh, well what would be the best thing to listen to that would make you forget all about it?  
 **TG: forget Pinball Wizard??? youre getting into some bad juju here little broslice**  
 **TG: might want to drop this one iunno**  
EB: Come oooooooon don't make me go ask Bro.  
 **TG: harsh dude I am all wounded up in this bitch now, stab me in my beating heart and twist it sideways**  
EB: Hahahah come on seriously I know you know, what is the anti-Pinball Wizard.  
 **TG: ok then here it is**  
  
John frowned, and looked up the song Dave mentioned. He wasn't an expert, but it sounded pretty good to him. He only hoped Karkat could use it. For the next hour he downloaded everything he could- musical notation, lyrics. It would be tricky for sure, realistically to get it right Karkat would need a full marching band but that couldn't be helped, the song could still be played by one person on a piano (or whatever the hell Karkat had managed to knock up) if they could hit the keys hard enough without breaking their fingerbones. Maybe Trolls don't have fingerbones? John didn't know. He told Karkat what he had found, and sent the files. Karkat was weirdly subdued the whole time in a way that John couldn't put his finger on, but something was different. He hoped it was in time. He hoped that Dave was as good as he thought he was. In the end, John could only cross his fingers and hope, while Karkat had to put on the performance of a lifetime all alone.  
  
the trolls were gathered at that time in the communal space that had been given over to the enormous stone tablets. They contained a loose set of rulings that Karkat had ranted at them and they were poring over the meanings. Equius had spent a whole night dragging the ceramostone tablets into place and carving on them, he had done a good job.  
  
1\. THOU SHALT SHUT THE FUCK UP  
2\. SERIOUSLY, THOU ART PISSING ME THE FUCK OFF RIGHT NOW.  
3\. WHAT THE FUCK, FOR REAL ART THOU PEOPLE SERIOUS.  
4\. I ART TOTALLY GOING TO LOSETH MY SHIT, LO UPON ANY MOMENT NOW.  
  
The commandments of Karkat went on in this vein. The language had been embellished somewhat, but by common assent they could all agree that it was somehow more appropriate. The fortieth commandment was just one long strangled scream of rage and despair, that had been difficult to transcribe.  
  
The discussion had begun in earnest, descended into full throated argument at times, and looked like not running out of steam any time soon. That was when the first note played.  
  
It was low- far too low. Sollux looked up sharply, he had not intended for the range of the device to extend into such low ranges, it was going beyond the original design specification. Silence fell, and another note played. They realised that it was new- a new song, a new revelation. This was important, possibly the most important thing of all. They rushed out to the sanctum and clustered outside the open door. Karkat was within, a shadowy figure playing by the flickering light of a husktop screen. He was slamming his hand down in an insistent, slow, inevitable rhythm. It snared them all instantly and simultaneously- there would be no resistance, there was no question but that everyone was caught up and along for this ride.  
  
 _Why don't you ask him if he's going to stay?  
Why don't you ask him if he's going away-y-y-y..._  
  
Karkat started low, speaking rather then singing, but they all heard and caught on every word. Still he slammed the notes down low and even, bass tones that shook them brutally and demanded their guts and their bellies and their spines.  
  
 _Why don't you tell me... what's going on?  
Why don't you tell me... who's on the phone... oh-h-h..._  
  
The tune spiralled round, started again, increased and grew. The notes were becoming more complex, the bassline leading into something dark and foreboding. The crowd of them just stared open-mouthed in shock and electrified tension. No one dared to speak up because now was not their time. Karkat owned the time.  
  
 _Why don't you ask him... what's going on?  
Why don't you ask him... who's latest on his throne? Oh..._  
  
Karkat raised his arms and slashed them down, he had no drums, no pounding feet, he had to do everything with his fingers.  
  
 ** _Don't say that you love me!_**  
  
Red flecks splattered over the music sheet he had printed out, that last one hurt! Too late to stop now, he threw himself into a solo rendition of Fleetwood Mac's "Tusk" on the Sounding Hammering String Device. He screamed the high parts, he moaned the low parts, and they all started shouting it with him. Tusk! He smashed into the keys, the bassline shook the entire Sounding Hammering String Device. Tusk! They all shouted it and stamped their feet, and dust began to fill the air in clouds. Tusk! Karkat was no longer even looking at the music printout, he was just going around and around now, back to the start but stronger and harder, the music bellowed and grew, consumed itself and exploded only to regrow better and consume itself anew.  
  
Karkat screamed as he felt, or heard, something snap in his hand but it was too late to stop now. He could feel the infernal machine writhe under him as the frame was blasted and the rivets were blown and the gaskets were strained to breaking point. The machine was hungry, gluttonous, but it had not been designed for this and it could not contain what it was unleashing. The keys were slippery now and stained permanently and vividly red. Karkat screamed and they all joined in. Tusk!  
  
Karkat didn't feel it coming when he finally blacked out, he remembered throwing himself at the machine even as it burst and split, then when he regained his senses he was flat on his back and familiar faces were looking down at him. There was a mixture of emotions in their eyes, ranging from anger to despair to a certain wistfulness. He tried to move and he thought his head would explode. His hand couldn't move at all, even without looking he could tell it was swollen immobile. He also felt wetness seeping through his clothes. He tried to speak but his throat was useless for the time being, he could only manage a croak.  
  
Of all of them only Gamzee knelt down and helped him sit up, supporting him carefully with an arm behind his head. Karkat looked down and saw that he was bleeding, there was more blood then he had ever seen, it was horrible and wet and... red. The trolls looked down at their messiah, laying beaten and broken near the rubble that had been the Sounding Hammering String Device. Red blood. He could register that they all had something different to say about it, very little of it likely to be good. He just smiled weakly. Once again they were disunited, they would bicker over what it meant, some would call for him to be destroyed and some would say he should be forgiven his mutation and someone would just say they didn't see how it changed anything but they would never again speak with that one terrible voice. That absolute voice, that unifying voice, that single all-powerful crowd voice, was gone. Perhaps where ever the new sound went when it was no longer heard, the new voice was there singing. One by one the trolls shuffled out. It had all been so much to take in, none of them could process it at once.  
  
"Hey best friend," said Gamzee softly when they were alone, "what was all that about anyways? You could make a motherfucker all worried up."  
"Dunno," croaked Karkat, "just happened."  
"It gonn' happen again?"  
Karkat just shook his head no.  
"Kind of glad about that, things got pretty freaky all fucked up there for a while."  
"Yeah."  
"For a motherfucker just got bashed up you don't look too worried!"  
"Worried about me huh?"  
"Naw, no way fucker."  
Karkat reached up weakly and prodded the tip of Gamzee's nose. "Honk."


End file.
